I wish my father had taught me how to be a real man. Sadly, he was consumed by the suffering from his own absent father and left us when I was 8 years old. I have great sympathy with him. Many times we don’t deserve the hardship we suffer when young. It just happens to us. Likewise, the love we receive is a lottery too, as are the habits, often passed down from generation to generation. I didn’t see my father for 20 years after he left so, with a lot of trial and error, a lot of anger, a lot problems, I had to learn myself. I continue to learn.
Everyone can learn to be a real man, the truth is without good fatherly guidance today, it’s hard. Many boys, and men, are ‘developing men’. Now they may or may not be developing, but everyone has the chance to! There are no lesser men really, there are just those with more struggles, more hardship, more adversity than others.
Here’s my top ten ways of how to be a real man –
1. Real men feel a lot of love for themselves. They have a high opinion of themselves and high esteem but not at the expense of others. Yes they love themselves, but no more than others. Thus, their love flows outwards in a spirit of comradery and unity. Real men like who they are, they feel good about being them, they are very comfortable with who they are.
2. Real men evolve. They learn, grow, they are like putty, strong putty! Real men don’t try and change to feel love, they feel love, and this propels any change. They change, learn, and grow, with their inner joy touching all they do.
3. Real men forgive, and they respect kindness and love from others – developing men can’t overcome the pain needed to forgive. Developing men take advantage of kindness and love as something to be exploited because they are yet to feel true love for themselves within. Developing men therefore often find it hard to fully appreciate love given to them and often abuse it.
4. Real men compete with themselves – they don’t feel the need to compete or compare themselves with others in order to feel worth. Real men feel worthy of their own fruition. It’s not about how much they lift in the gym, how good they look, how much they earn, or their fame or job title. They don’t look up or down at others based on this. Real men try to be the best they can be – that is where they know the real competition is. They don’t get envious of other’s achievements but get inspired, they don’t feel the need to put others down to feel better.
5. Real men are honest – they don’t cheat on their wives, they don’t steal, they tell the truth, and are honest about their mistakes and affairs. Real men apologise when wrong, they are big enough to handle the fact that they mess up. A developing man will try and hide the fact he is wrong, lie, excuse it, just so his fragile sense of self remains intact and he feels okay. Developing men would rather blame and point fingers at someone else for their issues than take ownership of them.
6. Real men don’t blame the world or others for where they are at, or what they are feeling. They take ownership of their own stuff, there own lives, rather than trying to explain it away. They put the power of their own lives and in their own feelings in their own hands, not that of others.
7. Following on from the above point, real men don’t rely on others to feel good about themselves – they rely on themselves to feel good. A real man is independent in his ways, not a reactor or puppet to others. A real man isn’t phased by others opinions about him, or potentially harmful acts towards him. He’s secure in who he is, his own values, confidence, attributes and so on. Accordingly, a real man can absorb his woman’s pain, and be there for her to support her through her vulnerabilities. He can do whilst lending a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Many times, a real man won’t try and be a fixer – he will just try and be there.
8. Real men don’t physically or verbally attack others. Real men don’t often feel vulnerable, developing men do. Anyone that verbally attacks usually feels threatened, or is expressing some fear, trauma or pain inside, real men see the source of that and don’t often feel threatened by it. A real man will only defend his body from attack using only necessary force, he will never attack another or cause harm to them.
9. Real men look after their bodies – they eat healthy, they keep fit, some may drink a little, but they do not rely on food, drugs, etc. in order to shore up their emotions and feel good about themselves or cope with the world.
10. Real men don’t turn their backs on others. They support their families – they look after them and love them. Even if a relationship breaks down, they are there for their exes and their kids. Real men try and help others in trouble or in need, even those who have broken their trust, or have wronged them. Beyond that, real men try and be there for the world at large, irrespective of race, religion, nationality, social status or anything else.
11.Finally, a bonus point – Real men show special people in their lives they are special by doing something special for them – perhaps cook a meal, a secret date, buy flowers, or just some special words.
Thanks for reading & God Bless